embracing where I live

I know that may appear to be a strange title for an entry but it is a thought I’ve had the past few days.  I moved to San Francisco in January of ’09.  There’s a long story to that move but suffice it to say that although a part of me wanted to change my life (drastically I might add) another part of me had a very difficult time letting go of all that was required to make such a move (selling my home of 19 years, leaving behind 1. my, young adult, children, 2. my job I enjoyed, a 3. whole host of friends and a life I had become accustomed to).  I suffered from loss of identity and a lot of grief as I tried to “let go” of the old.  I wasn’t able to embrace the new because I was still living with some regret, bewilderment and confusion over this big change I’d undertaken.  It took a looooong time to sort it all out.  I believe I’m just now embracing this new life and having my cards printed is a big part of the NEW that I’m now ready to embrace!

I was talking to a friend yesterday and told her about a realization I had earlier in the week.  On a walk, I contemplated how I’ve become accustomed to this neighborhood I now live in.  I realized that I, finally, feel like I belong here!  It was one of those “Aha’s!” that made me smile.  I thought about my life in Seattle and realized if I went back there, I wouldn’t know what to do!  I had changed so much that going back would feel like stuffing myself in a box.  Then I got the image of a Jack in the Box.  The kind I played with as a young kid (and my kids had).  After the clown pops out, you’ve got to work to push him down back into the box so you can close the lid, wind up the music and have him jump out again.   I was so grateful to realize that I was ready to embrace this new life…now can’t wait to see what I do with it all that I’m here…and accepting it…and ready to blast off with a new purpose!

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